Dawn of Warhammer 40,000: Firestorm Over Kaurava

The definitive Table Top conversion mod for Dawn of War.
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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 2:47 pm 
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40k joke (which I stole from somewhere and posted it here to gain credit):

- "My sandcastle is bigger than yours!"
- "No it isn't!"
- "Yes it is, and it has lascannons here and here, and these are missile launchers!"
- "Well mine's got that as well, and a moat full of skulls and barbed wire!"
- "Your lascannons aren't placed at the right spots! What if the enemy attacked here? Or here? Or put heavy fire on this wall? You'd have to concentrate the fire on that area over by the seashell, while your terminators got into position over by that piece of seaweed. And barbed wire placed over there isn't gonna slow the enemy down! You’ve gotta put another turret on this spot here, next to the dead starfish, and have warriors standing ready over here in case of a breakthrough. And what if that crab over there assaulted this wall? I'd suggest a squad of..."

Imperial Fists in the beach.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:24 pm 
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Quote:
Master Chief: You would dare threaten me? I've taken down an Assault Carrier with my bare hands. I can lift four times my body weight. This armor can deflect tungsten rounds. I suggest you find another fight, Commander.

Shepard: -Looks down at M920 Cain- You assume I give a damn. That is cute.


Quote:
Tali: HEADSHOT!
Garrus: !!!!!!!!
Shepard: !!!!!!!


Quote:
Legion: Garrus-Calibrator, we have an inquiry.
Garrus: What is it… wait, why are you calling me Calibrator?
Legion: This is your occupation aboard this platform therefore, you are Calibrator
Garrus: I am assisting Shepard. This is not a job.
Legion: Standard organic statistics indicate constant performance of mundane tasks can be concluded as “work.”
Garrus: I do other things as well
Legion: Compiling…
Garrus: Legion?
Legion: Normandy observation logs conclude Garrus-Calibrator spends 84.72% aboard this platform calibrating the main weaponry artillery. And 10.28% considering what else may require calibrations.
Garrus: I…
Legion: Further analysis indicates this is the second most constant action performed by a single organic aboard this platform.
Garrus: What is the first?
Legion: Compiling… Jeff Moreau-Flight Lieutenant’s computer history indicates 96.89% of its operation is spent observing vids on a website called: Mass Erotica.
Garrus: ... how is that even possible? He pilots the Normandy.
Legion: We conclude there is a high probability Jeff Moreau-Flight Lieutenant is capable of operating this platform single-handedly.
Garrus: I really didn’t need to know that...


Quote:
MShep: Joker, playback the feed form the last mission.
Joker: you got it *plays video but it's actually 2 girls one cup*
MShep: what the hell?
Garrus: human female's mating?
Tali: whata re they....OH BOSH'TET!
Jack: what the **** you ****ers are ****ing sick!
Miranda: *hurls on the floor*
Shep: Dear god Joker, what the hell is this?!
Joker: I don't know EDI get rid of this?
garrus: I think I'll be scarred for ever
Grunt: whoa this is hot.
Kasumi: that's so not going in my greybox
Jacob: *also hurls*
Samara: By the goddess, no amount of meditations will get this out of my mind.
Legion: we are confused as to why the human females are consuming bodily waste.
zaeed: this reminds me of the time me and my squad were trapped behind Batarian lines our food ran out so we had to do something like this. iw as the only one who didn't throw up.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:40 pm 
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These jokes went somewhere horrible...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:51 pm 
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Quote:
*Shepard riding down to the CIC in the elevator*
Shep: *walks out of elevator* what the hell?! *sees people who aren't on the crew on the ship*
EDI: Commander, to day is "take your offspring to work" day and the crew is celebrating it.
Shep: how the hell did they get on the ship?
EDI: we docked while you were asleep.
Shep: great.
Kolyat: Hey Shepard.
Shep: hey Kolyat....
Oriana: OMG it's Shepard!
Shep: Oriana? but you're not Miranda's daughter.
Oriana: no, but she brought me on anyway,is that the galaxy map?!
Shep: okay this is too much *goes down to the crew deck*
Random Asari: you must be Shepard.
Shep: and who are you?
Rila: I am Rila, one of Samara's daughters. do not Worry I am not like my sister.
Shep: alright, thanks for telling me that.
Rila: Mom you were right, she is hot.
Shep:wha?
small Geth: *random Geth noises*
Shep: Legion?
Legion: Shepard-Commander?
Shep: is this...your child?
Legion: Yes. We have named him Junior.
Shep:......Who's the mother?
Legion:....no Data available.
Small Geth: *random geth nosies and hugs Shepard's leg*
Shep:.....


Some communities should never be encouraged to making jokes.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 3:01 pm 
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That...was...exceptionally bad.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 4:11 pm 
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Would like to see you come up with something better Skrak

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 4:21 pm 
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Could if I had inspiration.

If I were a lesser man, I would've ended that statement with a joke concerning your female progenitor.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 5:12 pm 
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Calgar wrote:
Would like to see you come up with something better Skrak


That is a terrible argument and a logical fallacy, though I can´t remember it´s name. Anyway it renders all criticism moot, because it would mean only people versed in an art would be allowed to criticize it.

Doesn't work. Here´s a joke:

Astartes know no fear.
Except xenophobia.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:27 pm 
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ME2 Arrival DLC achievments wrote:
-Survive all five waves in the battle for Object RhoCovert Action


Social.BioWare wrote:
What is Object Rho?


Quote:
It's a... Rho Boat

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I should probably go to bed now...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 7:50 pm 
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Fausto wrote:
Astartes know no fear.
Except xenophobia.

And spiders.

Except wolf spiders. Sons of Russ are cool with that.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:07 pm 
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Skrakar wrote:
Fausto wrote:
Astartes know no fear.
Except xenophobia.

And spiders.

Except wolf spiders. Sons of Russ are cool with that.


Was that pun intended?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:24 pm 
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Calgar wrote:
Was that pun intended?

Image

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:30 pm 
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Damn good answer...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:01 pm 
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Ah, but Skrakar, Schrodinger's cat is supposed to be in a CLOSED box. The whole idea is that it cannot be observed, and that is why it hypothetically lives and is dead.

(You might think that this post is unfunny, but you are wrong. The complete lack of humour is what makes this post funny.)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:03 pm 
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Thank you, EDI.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:04 pm 
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This one is from real life, it just happened to me a few days ago:

I was with one of our industrial safety guys on a operation room trying to put a old, unused but still fine working PC on line so they can use it to report work accidents 24/7 via on line. Then I see a rj11 cable connected to the rj45 plug where this PC is going to be connected. There's only a telephone in the room, right next to the only single guy that work there.
So I unplug the cable and ask the solitary oompa-loompa if he "can you pick up the handset of the telephone and tell me if still have tone?".
He just keep staring at me with a huge ? above his head ala metal gear...
I tell him again in simpler words "can you pick up the phone and tell me if the line is alive?"
This time he pick up the phone and put it on his hear and just keep staring at my direction without saying a word....
I almost yell him this time: "Ok, tell me please, the telephone is working or not?"
So the oompa-loompa finally tall back to me and answer: "I don't know, it just make this noise: tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....... (the sound of a perfect and healthy working phone line)".

.... The funny thing is that this is real, I'm not making this up. Even funnier the fact that he was watching over a machine the size of two football fields.... Fun the Dwarf Fortress stile yeah!
The sad thing is that shooting people is illegal!
And before any one say anything he's around 25, owns a fairly sophisticated cellphone and uses a PC to monitor the machinery....

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Last edited by LordBaal on Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:11 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:09 pm 
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Skrakar wrote:


Image

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:14 pm 
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LordBaal wrote:
This one is from real life, it just happened to me a few days ago:

I was with one of our industrial safety guys on a operation room trying to put a old, unused but still fine working PC on line so they can use it to report work accidents 24/7 via on line. Then I see a rj11 cable connected to the rj45 plug where this PC is going to be connected. There's only a telephone in the room, right next to the only single guy that work there.
So I unplug the cable and ask the solitary oompa-loompa if he "can you pick up the handset of the telephone and tell me if still have tone?".
He just keep staring at me with a huge ? above his head ala metal gear...
I tell him again in simpler words "can you pick up the phone and tell me if the line is alive?"
This time he pick up the phone and put it on his hear and just keep staring at my direction without saying a word....
I almost yell him this time: "Ok, tell me please, the telephone is working or not?"
So the oompa-loompa finally tall back to me and answer: "I don't know, it just make this noise: tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....... (the sound of a perfect and healthy working phone line)".

.... The funny thing is that this is real, I'm not making this up. Even funnier the fact that he was watching over a machine the size of two football fields.... Fun the Dwarf Fortress stile yeah!
The sad thing is that shooting people is illegal!
And before any one say anything he's around 25, owns a fairly sophisticated cellphone and uses a PC to monitor the machinery....



That... That sounds like some powerful stuff you're taking Baal.

Where'd ya get it?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:26 pm 
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Fausto wrote:
That... That sounds like some powerful stuff you're taking Baal.
Where'd ya get it?


The joke or the machinery?
The joke is a sadly (and real) reflect of the decaying society I'm living... :lol:

The machinery is from Italy, is a automated short spaghetti machine, it make, cook, and packs like 10 tons (I'm not sure, had to ask some engineering guy about it) of spaghetti per hour. Looks like a freaking Apollo rocket lying on the ground without any cover surface (you can see almost all it's "guts").

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:30 pm 
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No, you suddenly went on about Oompa loompas, and as I assume you don't work at charlie's chocolate factory, I was wondering what... "medicine" your work place required

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:46 pm 
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jajajaja.... right now a couple of whips on my hands would do it....

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:50 pm 
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At times, Baal really makes me wonder if he's trolling our whole collective or he's that unfamiliar with the language...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 9:51 pm 
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Why not both? Just to be sure...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:00 pm 
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Skrakar wrote:
At times, Baal really makes me wonder if he's trolling our whole collective or he's that unfamiliar with the language...

I all ready say it. English is not my mother lenguage, sharp, ironic and otherwise simple jokes might require further explanation for me. :(

But yey, why not trow a little trolling the whole collective too...

Edit:
Now I get it!!! here
Fausto wrote:
That... That sounds like some powerful stuff you're taking Baal.
Where'd ya get it?

Instead of taking I read talking! Uppss my bad.... hahahaha! The oompa-loompa reference was a joke, you know, little guys working on a factory... bah never mind...
C'mon rexie! Let's go to other place...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:16 pm 
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LordBaal wrote:
I all ready say it. English is not my mother lenguage, sharp, ironic and otherwise simple jokes might require further explanation for me. :(


I hate that excuse... English isn't my mother language either, but I speak it rather well, and 4 other languages besides. If you come in contact with it enough, you'll pick it up.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:29 pm 
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@Fausto:

People like bloodtitan prove otherwise.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:34 pm 
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He shames our great country....

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:35 pm 
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Fausto wrote:
I hate that excuse...

Image
Fausto wrote:
English isn't my mother language either, but I speak it rather well, and 4 other languages besides. If you come in contact with it enough, you'll pick it up.

Congrats, for that, we all ready know that, Spanish, Dutch, Portuguese (that's your mother lenguage if I'm not mistaken) German and English? I'm missing one I think.....
I can speak (a+b)2 = a2+2ab+b2 languages, so? That's not relevant. :lol:

But more seriously bro, I do know the meaning of the words Fausto, the textual meaning! Is the contextual meaning that I lost from time to time, that happen to me even in my own language, kind of an Asperberg syndrome or something like it, don't know.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:15 pm 
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@LordBaal

Roll d12 for languages... :lol:
Yeah, that does sound like a bit of an issue you have there... But I admit, sometimes I don't get the meaning of English expressions. Mostly proverbs. Luckily, a lot of them are similar to Dutch and German ones. English is a weird language anyway. Latin Grammar but germanic wording. Few languages have that sort of mixture.

(It's French. I speak french, read french, but can't write it. Same with Spanish really.)

I don't actually really have a mother language. I lived in Holland for 9 years (I was born there) then lived in Portugal for 9 years, and I've lived in Germany for 4 now (that is to say, I live for about 6 onths in Germany, then 6 months in Holland. And sometimes portugal, and even England. I travel to much.)
So... Dutch and Portuguese are sort of both my mother languages.

LordBaal wrote:
(a+b)2 = a2+2ab+b2


Alright... You got me beat there. I suck at math. Really, really terribly. It's to... Unreal for a social construct to me. Kinda like Economics. I prefer Philosophy for my daily dosis of abstract thinking. :D

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 6:12 pm 
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Right

There are these 2 churchmen traveling through transelvania they then see a vampire so one says to the other show him your cross. :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 6:32 pm 
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And yes, my inability to discern sarcasm from normal statements has bring me some trouble with people in the past. :( But moar than a syndrome I think is a lack of attention some times!
I'm do like maths, calculus and algebra (note that liking them, not necessarily make you good at them :lol: so you might be even better than me on that department)

But economics, administration, acounting, human resourcing... bah!! All that is just Voodoo to me!!! Don't get it at all!

Well that's just some formula. In spanish we call them Identidades Notables. (notable identities) I think they are called algebraic identities in English.


I have another one of vampires! Warning, this one is more funny when you hear it that reading it, yall see why:

There is a drunken guy "walking" on a alley in the night and suddenly a man silhouette appears in from of him and says with a really deep and scary voice: "I'M DRACULA, AND I'M GOING TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!!!!!"
So the guy, having a attack of drunken courage yells back at him: "Isss so'?? Why don't you succk my d¨ck first you mofo!!"
Then Dracula says (with a effeminate voice): "Ok, but quickly since it's almost dawning"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:02 pm 
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Twilight version of Dracula, seems like...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:21 pm 
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400 posts in the first 4 hours... Another 900 by the end of the first day. These are well-coordinated replies, and so far they've been damn speculative. We don't know what it is, or when'll it arrive. Only one thing is certain: if BioWare doesn't announce it soon, there won't be a forum left to discuss at.


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When in doubt, turn to chocolate


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my head hurts... reapers dancing like asari in chora's den wat....ughh.


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Every atom in your body came from a star that exploded. You are all stardust. So, forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today. – Lawrence M. Krauss

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:01 pm 
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1:3 The lord is my Shepard.

Ba-dum-tish!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:33 pm 
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Randomneth wrote:
1:3 The lord is my Shepard.

Ba-dum-tish!


*cringe*

That one actually hurt!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:46 pm 
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We are compiling a religion with Shepard-Commander as figurehead. Our actions have not involved physical abuse. We do not understand how it can be painful.

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Build order for girls: 8 Movie, 10 Dinner, 12 Lean in for the kiss, and if that fails get back in with some harassment. -Day9


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In The Rear With The Gear .. *giggle*


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Zombies hate fast food.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:04 am 
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Seriously, read the part about Varenal in the fluff/ backsory section. I hadn't even played Mass Effect by the time I created them. o.0 Freakin' Collector / Reaper mind games and Mass Relays all over the place. Even technology that relays memories.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:16 am 
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Hey, that's funny!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 3:49 pm 
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OMG, Horus needs to make this! It's the Noise Marine Blastmaster MKII. When you look at it from the side it looks like a giant penis. But then when you point the gun towards you, the inside of the barrel looks like a vagina. Coition, the sex within the sex. BRRRRRRRAAAAAWWWWRWRRRM


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 3:53 pm 
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Lol. piccies. and i'll consider it lmao.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:35 pm 
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Fuegan wrote:
OMG, Horus needs to make this! It's the Noise Marine Blastmaster MKII. When you look at it from the side it looks like a giant penis. But then when you point the gun towards you, the inside of the barrel looks like a vagina. Coition, the sex within the sex. BRRRRRRRAAAAAWWWWRWRRRM

there's something wrong with you. You know that right?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:38 pm 
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I think you mean there's something right with me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:40 pm 
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I have no respose to that, apart from this.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:45 pm 
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Image


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 5:48 pm 
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Has Hilter got a bird on his shoulder? I guess that makes him a pirate....

"Hail Capt'n Hitler, arrrrrr!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 6:34 pm 
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^
^

Wtf?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 6:57 pm 
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Hitler be a pirate capt'n, as he got a bird on his shoulder. Arrrr

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 7:44 pm 
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No, the dark night thing.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 7:47 pm 
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It be the Forum Joke Thread, Warmaster. It need no reason to be 'ere.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2011 8:40 pm 
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Horus wrote:
No, the dark night thing.


It's from the last batman movie where Bruce decides to take the blame on the death of Harvey Dent, an exemplar cop gone psycho, so people would remember him as the exemplar cop and not the psycho.

I believe the basic idea was that by turning yourself public enemy nº1 you force other people to work togheter against you instead of turning against each other for lesser things. Excellent material to be made fun off by applying it to actual villains.


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