Dawn of Warhammer 40,000: Firestorm Over Kaurava

The definitive Table Top conversion mod for Dawn of War.
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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 4:54 pm 
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Try saying these three times fast:

Three switched witches watch three swatchwatch switches. Which switched wich watch which swatchwatch switch?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood?

It's a joke thread...hey watcha gonna do with those torches..?...hey wait!...
*Is killed with fire*

Sarge4463 wrote:
On a side note: Oh hai?

Why not?

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Last edited by Randomneth on Sun Jun 06, 2010 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 9:36 pm 
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No that was me saying "Oh Hai" in a questioning way. I wasnt asking WHY he said oh hai.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 9:51 pm 
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:lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:10 am 
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What? O_o

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:15 am 
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Just drop it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 8:39 am 
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Dispatcher: 9-1-1

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

Caller: I'm at a pay phone North and Foster.

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

Caller: No

Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

Caller: Running from the Police

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 9:11 am 
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som people just need to chill and jam out XD

side note!

http://www.gemueseorchester.org/index.p ... 46&Itemid=

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:09 am 
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Quote:
som people just need to chill and jam out XD



omg..............that is without a doubt the most amazing use i have ever seen for a carrot int the whole history of forever 0_o

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:36 pm 
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Must... resist... urge... to make vegetable tuba...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:39 am 
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Latest trend: Enviromentally friendy music instruments! :lol:
It's great since I've always wanted to eat a music instrument...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 4:51 am 
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Randomneth wrote:
It's great since I've always wanted to eat a music instrument...


Image

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 1:46 am 
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For Mother Garden! I think...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:16 am 
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In communist garden, plants eat you.
ImageImageImage

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:56 pm 
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We were visiting a church with school the other day and they where renovating and thus there was a lot of junk lying around. A friend of mine stumbles and falls into a ladder. "FUCKING HELL FUCKING FUCKING FUCKLADDER"! he roars in pain.

There was some appropriate echoing...
:D

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Feb 03, 2010 4:56 pm 
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"Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.

Features available in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4.0:
- A "Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)

I tried running GirlFriend 2.0 with GirlFriend 1.0 still installed, but they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall GirlFriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another problem with all versions of GirlFriend that I've used is that it is totally object oriented and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.

***** BUG WARNING *****

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS-Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources."
-----------------------------------
Nine megs for the secretaries fair,
Seven megs for the hackers scarce,
Five megs for the grads in smoky lairs,
Three megs for the system source.

One disk to rule them all,
One disk to bind them,
One disk to hold the files,
And in the darkness grind them.
---------------------------------------------------
"Copyright notice"

<Insert company name here> Confidential.
Copyright <year> <Big Corporation>. All Rights Reserved.

The piece of code you are now perusing was written in the service of a huge and powerful corporation. We know who you are. We know that you're reading this. We know what you're thinking. And we'll know if you even _consider_ trying to copy even the slightest idea or concept from this code. We are everywhere, and if you do copy us, we'll be forced to buy you, your company, and probably even your home state, and crush you like the nothing that you are. And that's just if we're in a _good_ mood that day. You don't want that do you? Good. Now run along...

-- courtesy of bethmo@microsoft.com
-------------------------------------
We needz moar.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:00 am 
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Hehehehe....

This gives me the initiative to hunt down some good jokes.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 5:02 am 
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My English Professor was telling the class she wasn’t going to accept any excuses for missing the final. A very confident jock said, "What if we’re exhausted from a night of sexual escapades?" She told him then he would have to take the test with his other hand.

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I stopped liking Japanese stuff everybody hates.

Now I just like stuff everybody hates.

Nice change, I must say.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:41 am 
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9342

Think about it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:22 pm 
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Dave the dreadnought

Dave loved being a space marine. It wasn't the comradery. It wasn't the utter devotion to the Emporer. It wasn't even the cool armour he got to wear every day. No, it was the utter and outright violence he enjoyed. There was nothing better for Dave than to hand out a little power glove lovin' or feel the gore splatter against his helmet as he cut another Eldar in two with his chainsword. In fact Dave's last living memory was one of violence as he charged screaming at the Eldar Avatar bent on vengeance for the marine squad he had just seen slaughtered by the Demonic abomination. As the tip of the singing spear filled his vision his world went black. Dave awoke. Inside his metal coffin he could still sense the world around him, he monitored the wind speed and calibrated the targeters. The intercom directed him to 'go over there and BREAK that' oh joy....there was a heaven!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 8:34 pm 
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Just returning to see if anyone actually got the "9342" joke. Well, did you? :P

Edit: OK, I'll give you a hint:
It's the ultimate meme 8-)

Edit2: *Sigh* Ok, It's like this:
Over 9000
300 spartans
34
42

___________________________________________________________________
I was bored (board).

The Board Tyrant
The dreaded lieutenant of the Hordes of Gamerus, this fearsome creature towers above the battlefield astride a pair of beshooed legs jointed in the correct direction. Its bony torso is covered in a bony carapace and is void but for the souls of its victims, mostly those of the forces of the malicious SpatroflaBot conglomerate. The creatures head on the other hand is an immensely powerful psionic conduit in the form of a distended skull with little in the way of any facial features and filled to the brim with synaptic receptors, an appropriate trait for a creature of such intelligence. It has no need for effective eyes as its superior mental capabilities more than suffice. The arms of this monstrosity are as dextrous as they are numerous, their number reaching the hundreds, the swirl of their activity little more than a blur to most mortals and the Tyrants control over these extremities is absolutely perfect regardless of emotional state.

The Board Tyrant starts with the ability:
Outsmart: The Board Tyrant uses his supreme intellect to outsmart his enemies.Medium range ability that temporarily reduces target unit’s damage output and armour rating.

Wargear:

Weapons:
Blade of the Chastener: The weapon of a novice Tyrant, this blade’s disruptive edge is nonetheless deadly. This weapon ignores the armour of most targets.

Temporal Disruptor: This axe is a creation of the mysterious Overlord of the Tyrant and has the ability to throw an enemy into temporal flux, rendering the foe incapacitated. Chance on hit: Puts the victim in a time rift, causing damage to and temporarily stunning it.

The Banhammer: A relic from the earliest days of creation, crafted to combat the emerging threat of the malignant Derailants, this mighty weapon is capable of completely erasing a victim from existence. Greatly increases the Tyrant’s melee effectiveness. Has a chance to instantly destroy a target, regardless of type.

Armour:
Armour of Contempt: This piece of armour is crafted to channel the wielders distaste of his pitiful foes into a nigh impenetrable shield. Grants the Psionic Shield ability, allowing for the absorption of energy instead of health when taking damage.

Cloak of Shadows: This ancient alien artefact creates a field of writhing arcane shadows around the wielder, removing him from harm.Grants the Cloak of Shadows ability that temporarily renders the Board Tyrant invulnerable.

Casket of Souls: The Tyrant’s torso is filled to the brink with the souls of its enemies, empowering him to new feats of greatness. The Tyrants statistics are all greatly increased.

Accessories:
The Thirty-seven keys: These mysterious keys, born from the aether and set into mortal hands allow its wielder to unlock every secret of the universe. Grants the Farsight ability allowing for the temporary dispersion of Fog of War in limited areas.

Sigil of the Ordo Banneus: This badge of office grants the wielder almost unlimited authority. When equipped, this item grants a boost to requisition income.

The Codex Conductius: This ancient and venerated tome of lore and tactics has taught many a generation the art of war. Increases energy pool and grants detection.

______________________________________________________________________

(\ _/)
( -.-)zzzz
c(")(")
DUSK: it's a rabbit
midfox21: bunny!
dusk: rabbit
midfox21: BUNNY!

(\ _/)
( o o)
c(")(")
midfox21: now you woke it up good going.
dusk: good now i can eat it >:3
______________________________________________________________________

What do Beholders get on their spawndays?
Eyecandy.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:26 am 
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The day was ending over Hyrule, and as the sun sets, the passions flair. Link leaned up to Zelda and asked, his voice in a cheeky, amused tone, "Hey, how would you like to have a three way between you, me, and a Goron?"

Zelda was somewhat taken aback, "I... would I find that at all pleasant?"

"I don't know. Depends on what your views are on being between a rock... and a hard place."

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I stopped liking Japanese stuff everybody hates.

Now I just like stuff everybody hates.

Nice change, I must say.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:54 pm 
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What did I say when someone invaded my lands, besieged my castle and killed my parents?

"Howe could you?!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:08 pm 
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Hey, I'm a fan of the Howes.

I'm also a fan of the Whos, the Wheres, the Whens and the Whats.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:23 pm 
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Skrakar wrote:
Wheres

Wherewolf? Therewolf!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:37 pm 
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*groan*

On the plus side it seems we have a fan of Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" here - which I definitely approve of :D

Fredrick: "Igor? Can you give me a hand with the bags?"
Igor: "Certainly...you take the blond and I'll take the one in the turban!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 2:44 pm 
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A green frog is hopping around in the desert.
What is it getting?

Guess away!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:17 pm 
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....dehydration? :?

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I stopped liking Japanese stuff everybody hates.

Now I just like stuff everybody hates.

Nice change, I must say.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:21 pm 
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Nope, keep guessing ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 12:05 am 
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Boils?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 12:21 am 
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...a damn good tan?

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I stopped liking Japanese stuff everybody hates.

Now I just like stuff everybody hates.

Nice change, I must say.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 6:03 am 
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Fishy?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 6:06 am 
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Nay, keep at it ;)


______________

Fnuny fcat: It deson't raelly mtater how fial yuor sellping is as lnog as the frist and lsat lteetrs reiamn the smae. Tihs is bcuease we raed wrods as a wohle rthaer tahn idnvudiail lteters.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 18, 2010 11:55 am 
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Greenskin :p??...


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:55 am 
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Note: I'm PC user and I don't have money for any console to waste on. I spent enough on PC crap already.
Now, the joke.

Why is Xbox 360 called so?
Because you turn around 360 degrees and moonwalk away.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:26 am 
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Skrakar wrote:
Note: I'm PC user and I don't have money for any console to waste on. I spent enough on PC crap already.
Now, the joke.

Why is Xbox 360 called so?
Because you turn around 360 degrees and moonwalk away.


Hahahha that reminded me of this.

I'm a 360 user, but finally that joke was done right.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:15 pm 
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viewtopic.php?p=79349#p79349
Irony strikes again! :lol:

Quote:
Socialize everything! Take everything from everyone and give it to everyone else


Quote:
i'm not afraid of flying. I'm afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly *not* flying.


_
Random Reaper: Hey Harbinger, did you hear, they are planning on making a Mass Effect movie.

Harbinger: It seems I'll have to

*puts on sunglasses*

Harbinger: DIRECT THIS PERSONALLY

YEEAAAHHHH!!
_

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL

THIS HURTS YOU

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:58 am 
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Under Capitalism, Man oppresses Man
Under Communism, it's the other way around


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:59 am 
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Location: Holy S*it? Where the heck am I?
There is this one-handed guy knocking at the door of a home. Then a small boy opens up the door and keeps staring at the wrist/stump. The guy asks: It's your mom at home? Ah! You must be John!! I'm your mom's friend, very nice to meet you -and extend his arm to the boy.
The boy still shocked can't move, in this precise moment the mom comes over and greet the guy. Then looking at her son's incorrect behavior tells him:
Hey! John! Don't be rude, give the hand to him!
John: But mom! I swear! I don't have it!!!
Hehehee... yeah. I know. I'll report to my nearest commissar again...

There is another one (it's NOT making funny of the religion ok? :
There where Jesus and Peter, Jesus told Peter he will be talking with His Father, so He need to go to the top of this mountain and then meditate all the day and in the mean time Peter have to watch out in the case some Romans come over. So they do that. And suddenly some roman soldier's appears and say! Hey look! A Jude at the foot of the mountain! At him!! And proceed to beat Peter a loot!!
When the Master comes down from the mountain he sees Peter and ask him: Oh Peter! What happened to you? Let me help you. Nothing master -Peter replies.
The very next day they do the same and then again some Romans pass and say: Look! A jude at the botton of the hill! At him!!! - And proceed to beat the c**p out of Peter. Jesus see this and again ask Peter what was going on. Nothing Master! -Peter reply again.
And so this happen day after day for the whole week!! The same roman soldiers soundly beating Peter again and again.
The Friday Peter can't even walk straight, so when Jesus told him that He's going to the top of the mountain Pete says: Master, don't you think I should meditate and try to talk to God too. Then Jesus says you are right Peter, go a talk to the Father. Don't worry, I'll watch out for Romans.
So Peter climbs up thinking he's so smart and a little smile on his lips... when the Romans are coming over and see Jesus they say: Look! A jude! At him! And then one of them say's: Hey guys, don't you think this Jude on the bottom already had enough? We beat him all the week! Let's go after the one on the top of the mountain today!

*New Joke*
Two Physicists were riding in a hot air balloon and were blown off course sailing over a mountain trail, and were completely lost.
They spotted a jogger running on the trail and they shouted "Can you tell us where we are?" After a few minutes, the jogger yelled back "You're up in a balloon."
One physicists said to the other, "Just our luck to run into a mathematician". "How do you know he was a mathematician?" asked the other.
"Well, in the first place he took a long time to answer; second, his answer was 100% correct and third, ,it was totally useless."


Randomneth wrote:
A green frog is hopping around in the desert.
What is it getting?

Guess away!

Ummm.... this will require a tactical genius to guess...
Peraphs it's a Warhound Titan!
Nah... peraphs is getting insolated?

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HEY SAYING HERESY IS HERESY! *BLAM*


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:09 am 
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LordBaal wrote:
Randomneth wrote:
A green frog is hopping around in the desert.
What is it getting?

Guess away!

Ummm.... this will require a tactical genius to guess...
Peraphs it's a Warhound Titan!
Nah... peraphs is getting insolated?


I am hoping this is getting on your nerves.
____________________________________________________

"That's a harp he's playing, Nobby," said one of them, after watching Imp for a while.
"Lyre."
"No, it's the honest truth, I'm—" The fat Guard frowned and looked down. "You've just been waiting all your life to say that, ain't you Nobby," he said. "I bet you was born hoping that one day someone'd say 'That's a harp' so you could say 'lyre', on account of it being a pun or play on words. Well, har har."
— Terry Pratchett, Soul Music

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:22 am 
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Randomneth wrote:
I am hoping this is getting on your nerves.

You can be darn sure it is!!!! :evil:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:45 am 
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Yes, now see what the frog is getting? ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:29 am 
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rather long but here goes :mrgreen:

John and Dave are sitting in a bar.John says to Dave ''have you seen Brian lately'' and Dave replies ''Oh no man have you not heard Brians dead''
''oh no your kidding....How what happened to him?''
''Well he was on his way to my house and a cat ran in the way of his car and he hit a tree''
''Is that how he died?''
''No..He went through the windshield and bounced of my garage roof and smashed through my bedroom window''
''is that how he died?''
''no..He tried to get up by pulling himself up on my antique wardrobe but it fell on top of him breaking most of the bones in his body''
''ok is that how he died?''
''no.. he somehow managed to crawl out of my room and tried to pull himself up on the stair bannister but it broke under his weight and he fell 4 floors''
''Is that how he died?''
''No.. He managed crawl into the kitchen where he tried to steady himself on the cooker which had a pot of boiling water on it,he then slipped and went head first into the pot and staggered back hitting his head against the knife cuboard and 15 knifes plunged into him''
''is that how he died?''
''No..''
''**** just tell me how he died''
''I shot him''
''WHY THE **** DID YOU DO THAT''
''cause he was wrecking my fuckin house''


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:58 pm 
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Tali is excellent to bring along if you expect to face off against your enemies.

Geth it?

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 3:16 pm 
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JUSTIN BIEBER JOKES!




In an interview with MTV News, Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe said that when he heard Justin Bieber sing for the first time, he thought he was a woman. That’s ridiculous. Justin Bieber is not a woman. He’s a girl.


Q. What’s the difference between Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga ?
A. One of them has balls and it ain’t Bieber.

Justin Beiber fell off the ladder trying to reach puberty .

JUSTIN: mom i think i finally hit puberty
MOM: really? how do u know?
JUSTIN: I’m bleeding from my vagina.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:28 pm 
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ESCAPE

(guards, armed with energy rifles, circle around our heroes)
What do we do!!?
Don't worry, I can move through HYPOTHETICAL SPACE! *makes several noise and gestures*
. . .
We didn't move anywhere
But if we WERE moving, we'd be out of here.
You're an idiot.
I'm sorry.

ASSASSINATION

You know how to dispose of the target, I assume?
Don't worry, the perfect plan is in place. I slipped a little something in his drink when he was in the bathroom.
(The target gets out of the bathroom, to see the handle and trigger of a pistol sticking out of his coffee. The two assassins are waiting inside a closet.)
This is your great plan?
When he's done with the coffee, we pull out the gun, and shoot him.

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I stopped liking Japanese stuff everybody hates.

Now I just like stuff everybody hates.

Nice change, I must say.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 11:11 pm 
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There are three kinds of people. Those that can count, and those that can't.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 3:58 pm 
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Randomneth wrote:
There are three kinds of people. Those that can count, and those that can't.

There are 10 kinds of people, those who know binary and who don't. :geek:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 4:08 pm 
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Helbrecht wrote:
There are 10 kinds of people, those who know binary and who don't. :geek:

Image

Edit:
Nasa: Never A Straight Answer.

http://kotaku.com/5713904/the-mass-effe ... oring-book

Liara: "Shepard, it's a boy!"

xD

__

How do you defeat a Turian Cabal? Use antibiotics!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sun Feb 13, 2011 11:28 pm 
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Image

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pillage and plunder for smiling jack has come!!!


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:21 am 
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>Credits music in ME1
>First thing that happens in ME2
Coincidence? I think not.

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