Dawn of Warhammer 40,000: Firestorm Over Kaurava

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 Post subject: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 3:56 am 
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Welcome to the Forum Joke Thread

Safe everyone. In light of my new found time. Moshy comes up with more stupid ways to pass the time. =]

Hence the joke thread is now open to make people laugh and lighten up [something this board needs of late]. So lets get this show on the road.

Rules:

Yes sadly we have rules. =|
But I'd prefer it if we stick to them coz tbh, I don't want this to become flamebait.

1. NO DAMN RACIST/SEXIST/RELIGION JOKES. [Serious. I don't want any jokes that offend anyone. We are all from different places here, we are all here for the mod regardless where we are from.].

2. No dead baby jokes. Or anything in that vein either...

3. Refrain from **** ones we've all heard. You know the ones I mean ;]

Here is one to start the ball a rolling...

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely
quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond, 6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

=']

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:35 pm 
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Quote:
NO DAMN RACIST/SEXIST/RELIGION JOKES


No Michael Jackson jokes either?

Horus edit: As long as they arent incredibly racist or offensive in any form. This is a warning to future readers btw.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 6:36 pm 
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Errrm I didn't know MJ jokes were out...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:16 pm 
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Aren't there supposed to be jokes in here? :P

Not sure where I got this, but I've had it sitting around on my HDD since forever, not your standard format joke, but always makes me chuckle:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until your Father gets home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE! .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25 . And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:45 am 
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Location: Well, lets just say you shouldn't look in your attic anymore.
I wish my mom was that sane...

Oh well. So a priest, a rabbi and a..... nevermind. ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 6:24 am 
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Kids are drawing in art class, and the teacher walks up to a student and asks, "What are you drawing?"

"[insert religious figurehead here]"

"But noone knows what [above religious figurehead] looks like."

"They will in a minute."

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:10 am 
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Hey, that's funny!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:11 am 
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Keep it civil guys.

Horus Edit: Kept for reminder purposes

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:21 am 
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Scott wrote:
Keep it civil guys.


Asking people to remane civil in a joke thread is like asking a monkey to drive my car (let alone start it) without screwing it up.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:31 am 
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To be honest its hard to make a joke without making fun of something/someone. That's what makes them funny though we can laugh at our own faults or stereo types. Offensive religeon joke. What the difference between a jew in a pizza? (I am not gonna give the punch line here as it offends me incredibly but I'm sure some of you have heard this joke.) A rabbi and priest walk into a bar... Acceptable its not a terrible thing to be a little silly. Long as its not incredibly offensive feel free to post it here.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:34 am 
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Scott wrote:
To be honest its hard to make a joke without making fun of something/someone. That's what makes them funny though we can laugh at our own faults or stereo types. Offensive religeon joke. What the difference between a jew in a pizza? (I am not gonna give the punch line here as it offends me incredibly but I'm sure some of you have heard this joke.) A rabbi and priest walk into a bar... Acceptable its not a terrible thing to be a little silly. Long as its not incredibly offensive feel free to post it here.

Couldn't have put that any better myself :) .

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:20 am 
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A chicken and an egg are lying naked and sweaty in bed together. The Chicken takes a drag on a cigarette and says, "well, I guess that answers that, then."

Horus edit: logic win! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:15 am 
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I take this opportunity to say you didn't ask for great jokes, so be warned :P these are from 4 christmas crackers I still had lying around and that I found this morning:

Q: Where should a dressmaker build her house?

A: On the outskirts.

--

Q: How do snails keep their shells shiny?

A: They use snail varnish.

--

Q: What does the word "minimum" mean?

A: A very small mother.

--

Q: What has a bed but does not sleep, and a mouth but does not speak?

A: A river.


Tadaa... *runs away*

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Last edited by CPT Underpants on Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 9:49 am 
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Guy walks in to a bar and notices a long line of people queing to go out back. Curious, he orders a guinness and asks the bartender, "what's the line about, i thought the shitter was in the other room?"
"Well ya see I'v got this horse and I love him to bits, but lately he's been so depressed and nothing seems to cheer him up, so I've offered 100 quid to anyone who can cheer him up."
The guy drains his guinness, joins the line and by the time he comes out from round back noises of insane laughter and whinnying are heard coming through the door. He collects his 100, and leaves without saying a word.

The next week he comes in and notices the same line, and so he goes up to the barman again... "What's wrong, he bloody well doesn't sound sad."
"well that's just the problem see, ever since you left he hasn't stopped laughing and im scared for him, can ya make him stop? There's another 100 quid in it."
Again the man drains his guinness, says "right" and joins the que. This time he comes out barely a minute after entering, but this time leading the horse, which is silent and has the most amazing look of shock on its face. He leads it to the counter, collects his 100 quid but this time the barman asks him, "OK, so what did ya do?"
the man looks at him, "well it was simple see, the first time I told him that i had a bigger cock than him right? Well that amused him no end. Just now, i showed him."

and @ -7- ... awesome joke man that cracked me up

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 1:20 pm 
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Cleaned up this thread. you better Look here or there is hell to pay. so far ive been reasonably open minded about this.

viewtopic.php?f=40&t=2606

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:24 pm 
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Hmm my post disappeared... So I take it those jokes still weren't appropriate? I'll try to find something else then.

---

Okay, so George Bush and Collin Powell are in a bar talking about the war. A man comes along and says "hey, you're George Bush and Collin Powell, aren't you?" They say "Yes, we are." The man asks "so what are you arguing about?" to which Collin says "well, we were talking about killing two million Iraqis and a blonde with big boobs." The man asks "why kill the blonde with big boobs?" Collin says to Bush:

"See, I told you no one would care if we killed two million Iraqis!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:26 pm 
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i cleaned up most of the convo that was related back to that "joke", and so it wouldnt further stain the purpose of this thread.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:31 pm 
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Oh okay. I posted earlier asking about political correctness of jokes with regards to race/religion/country/government and had some examples.

I'll post again:

World War Two. Close to the front line, 3 allied generals talk about courage. One is Russian, the other is American and the third one is British.

The American general wants to show the others how courageous his men are. He calls a soldier and tells him: "Private, I want you to run across that mine field, jump over two enemy trenches, and come back in 10 minutes!"
"Sir, yes sir!"
The soldier does everything the general asked him and comes back on time. The American general says to the other two: "You see? That is what I call courage!"

The Russian general is eager to show the toughness of the Red Army. He calls a soldier and tells him: "Comrade, you must run across that mine field and jump over no less than four enemy trenches, while carrying a box of live grenades. And for the glory of Mother Russia, you must be back in 8 minutes!"
"Da, comrade general!"
This soldier also does everything the general asked him and comes back on time. The Russian general says to the other two: "You see, comrades? That is what I call courage!"

The British general raises an eyebrow and steps in slowly. He calls a soldier and tells him: "Hey, you there! Go and run across that mine field and jump over ten enemy trenches, while carrying a box of grenades in your arms, a timed C4 explosive on your back, and balancing a stick of dynamite on your nose. Oh, and be back in five minutes."
The soldier replies: "Say what? Are you bloody mad, you stupid fool? I didn't join the army to listen to braindead idiots like you! Go and do it yourself if you're so damn clever!"

The British general looks triumphantly at the other two.
"Now, gentlemen, THIS is what I call courage!"

---

Three presidents: US, French and Romanian are flying in a plane.
They agree to try and guess whose country are they flying over.
The US president goes to the door, opens the door and streches his hand out.
- This is USA!
- How do you know?
- I touched the head of the Statue of Liberty.

After a while the French president does the same.
- C'est la France!
- How do you know?
- I touched le Tour Eiffel.

The Romanian president does the same after a while and returns quite upset to his seat.
- What happened?
- That was my country that we flew over.
- How do you know?
- My watch "disappeared"...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:32 pm 
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What Is Politics?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

---

The UN decided to conduct a worldwide survey.

The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure...

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:29 pm 
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CPT Underpants wrote:
Q: What has a bed but does not sleep, and a mouth but does not speak?
A: A river.


Should be,

Q.What has a bed but does not sleep, a mouth but does not speak and runs but never walks?
A. A river. ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:41 pm 
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Here's one I got from another forum, back in the day when the war in Iraq was still a very hot topic:

A bedtime chat between Father and Son...

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons Of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if They had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it okay to Invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government Passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-ass.
Q: I didn't think I was being one!
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by Forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an Illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a Good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for Growing flowers, that was okay, but not if hey cut people's heads and Hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's okay with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except For her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her Eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repelled the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French Fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade...
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American Corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's side anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works, Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Goodnight, son.
Q: Good night, Daddy.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:38 pm 
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I laughed pretty hard. Thanks for posting.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:41 pm 
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Riotlung wrote:
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works, Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Goodnight, son.
Q: Good night, Daddy.



the true is now public, bush hear the voices too :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:53 pm 
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George Bush opens Dawn of War in his special preview edition just before he's elected.

Chaos? That's sounds cool, says George. Ah, cultists...

"DO YOU HEAR THE VOICES TOO???"

No... Says George... Not yet, anyway.

Anyway...

A Man Walked into a Bar one day, and the barman says, "What are you having?" The man says he'll have a pint. Handing it over, the man knocks it back, and walks out without paying.

"Oi!" says the barman, "pay up!". The man sitting next to the escapee looks up from his pint, and states "sorry sir, but he's in his rights, and legally ot not pay. As I'm a lawyer, I'll be able to stand up and say you're fraudulently claiming money."

Smiling the escapee carries on and leaves.

The next day, the same man walked back into the bar. The barman looks up and shouts at him to get out. "After what you pulled the other day, you've got some cheek!"

To which the man replies, "But I've never been in here before in my life!"

The barman, taken aback, wipes his spectacles and rubs his eyes. "Well I'll be!" he exclaims. "My mistake, you must have a double."

The man smiles.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:09 pm 
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One local joke.

There was a giant rock next to a mountain road.On it,a text was written explaining that underneath it was a hole filled with vast riches.One driver noticed and pulled over.He first tried to move it by himself,but he couldn't.After some time spent in thinking,he tied the rock to his car and finally moved it.

When he looked into the hole,there was nothing but a wooden tablet with another inscription.It said: "If you're a true Serb,you'll put the rock back in its place so that we can **** over another idiot."

--------------------------
If it's not that funny for you,I am sorry.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:31 pm 
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Ha! That's actually pretty funny. Now, izzat actually a true joke, though, that rock on a road into your town?

That really made me snicker about whatever poor bastards fell for it.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:41 pm 
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Well,it's possible it's true.We Serbs are pretty crafty at fucking each other over.I wouldn't be surprised.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:14 am 
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That is freaking awesome and even better if its true.

I gotta say it now, Serbs FTW!

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:31 am 
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American scientists invent a time machine, and after it gets tested and approved, George Bush uses it to go to the year 2500, to see what will happen to America by then.

He arrives in a futuristic-looking Washington DC, with flying cars and strange people all over the place. Slightly confused, he walks into an old-fashioned bar and asks the bartender for a whiskey. Seeing how friendly the bartender is, he reveals his identity to him and asks him about American history over the past 500 years.

"Well", says the bartender, "The worst time was in the late 21st century, when World War 3 broke out. But we won, and ever since then America rules the world."

"What about terrorism?" asks Bush

"Terror...what? Must be something very old, I never heard of it!"

"And what happened to Israel and Palestine?"

"That war ended long ago. They all live in peace now, thanks to America."

"Did you explore space?"

"You bet! We have American colonies on Mars and the Moon, and we Americans were the first to step on every major rocky planet in the Solar System!"

"Wow, this future is better than I could have ever dreamed! Thanks for telling me about it! How much for the drink?"

"Oh, we don't use money any more, comrade."

---

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pepito, the son of Cuban-American refugees, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pepito, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good Pepito! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"?

Again, no response except from Pepito: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."


The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pepito, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Cubans." "Who said that?" she demanded.

Pepito put his hand up. "J.F.K., during the Bay of Pigs invasion 1961."

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pepito says, "George Bush Sr. to the Japans Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pepito jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."

Pepito frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble!, we better get the hell outta here!!"

Pepito said, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

---

A Rabbi and Priest were fishing one day near a bridge at a river. Whenever a car would approach they would take turns holding up a sign saying "Turn back, the end is near".

One car after another heeded the warning. The final car had an angry Atheist in it who screamed, "Damn nutcases" and other insults as he went by. A few seconds later a loud splash could be heard.

The Rabbi turned to the Priest and said, "I told you we should have just written 'Bridge Out Ahead'."

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:58 am 
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After every flight, Qantas Airlines pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (Note: How true this is is not within the scope of this joke)

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:42 pm 
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I apologise in advance to all Croats on this board.
------------------------------

On the plane are American president Obama,Russian president Medvedev,Croatian president Mesić and Sebian president Tadić.Suddenly,the pilot reports to passengers that they are losing altitude at great speed but they have no parachutes.

Obama thinks and says: "You know,I'll jump out of the plane and take my chances.Maybe I'll land on something soft."

Medvedev replies: "That isn't a bad idea,comrade."

Obama jumps out first and yells out: "For America!"

Medvedev jumps out second and yells out: "For Russia!"

Tadić grabs Mesić,throws him out of the plane and yells out: "For Serbia!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:51 pm 
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Ah, the "throw the other guy off the boat/plane" joke. Here's a variant:

A Mexican, a Brit and an American just escaped from a sinking ship in a lifeboat with their belongings. But the boat is too heavy and begins to sink. They decide that each of them has to throw something overboard.

First is the Mexican. He throws his collection of sombreros overboard. He says: "We have plenty of those in my country!"

Next is the Brit. He throws his collection of teapots overboard, saying: "We have plenty of those in my country!"

The American thinks for a while, then pushes the Mexican overboard.

"We have plenty of those in my country!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 8:32 pm 
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That joke with plane have pretty every country-variant...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison. However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."

The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer.
The Frenchman says, "I'll have five years' supply of brandy!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his brandy.
The Polak says, "I'll have five years' supply of cigarettes!"
His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his cigarettes.
Five years later, the Germans come to release their prisoners. First, they release the Englishman, who staggers out totally drunk. Then, they release the Frenchman, who also rolls out rather inebriated. Then, they release the Polak, who comes out and says, "Has anyone got a light?"

... don't ask i know polish jokes suck.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:32 am 
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I apologize if these are too offensive but I have a sick taste of humor anyway

I removed them after I read the other thread >_>

:P

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Last edited by Scott on Mon Jul 27, 2009 6:56 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Joke is completely innapropriate


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:04 pm 
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"A rabbi, a politician and a policeman walk into a -"
"What is this, some kind of joke?"
"No, it's New Jersey."

><!
Man, the news here's a terrible disgrace.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 7:21 pm 
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A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?



A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre Museum.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, zat is ze reason I stole ze paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make ze Van Gogh."

* See if you have De Gaulle to send zis on to someone else. We sent it to you because we figured, we had nothing Toulouse.

(Groan, groan, groan.)



1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up in the air a few times, before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old boy.

11. Playdoh and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a five-minute response time .

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid



At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."



Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?"

"I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16!"

You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life...You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony.

YOU BECOME 21.

YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Pet Rules:



To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Do you know your state motto:
Alabama: Heck Yes, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee: The Educashun State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and The Sheep Are Scared



Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors." The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?" No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it.



This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Scroll down...

Keep going...

A little more...

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society!



Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"

To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:27 pm 
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Hah! Those are all pretty good...


As for the bit about Washington's motto. Yes. That is completely correct, there are many nerds, geeks, slackers, some punk rockers.... I would happen to be one of the nerds/geeks. It's a blessing and a curse. Like vampirism. And also like vampirism, we have an acute hatred of the sun. :lol:

No? No funny? We try.... Meh...

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:09 am 
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Nebraska is... an acquired taste, believe me.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:10 am 
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We almost never use coal for anything in Pennsylvania anymore >.>

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2009 6:33 am 
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I happen to be a Penguin fan, as well.


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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:07 am 
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*hangs his head low*

I'm a flyers, eagles, and sixers fan... (don't worry, I know they all suck)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 3:16 pm 
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Sqwerlpunk wrote:
I happen to be a Penguin fan, as well.


obviously the batman's far better though :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 4:58 pm 
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Hurr hurr Horus made a funny :P.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:08 pm 
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He's quite the Joker.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:54 pm 
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Horus wrote:
Sqwerlpunk wrote:
I happen to be a Penguin fan, as well.


obviously the batman's far better though :lol:


he sure is ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:11 pm 
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Skrakar wrote:
He's quite the Joker.


seems your quite the harley quinn :o

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:13 pm 
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He is trying too hard now.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:14 pm 
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Well,if you say so,puddin'.

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:18 pm 
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Quote:
He is trying too hard now.


i don't bother trying unless its worth trying for >> you should know that by now ;)

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 Post subject: Re: The Forum Joke Thread. =]
PostPosted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:20 pm 
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Say what you want, but Harley Quinn was really bad.

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